Chairs and Rugs

If you have to throw up get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage it in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug shag carpet is a good alternative.

Doors

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is open it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think for a while. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and during the summer if there is a plague of gnats of moths.

Guests

There are 5 basic rules for dealing with visitors.
1.Determine which guest dislikes cats the most, then sit on their lap. If you can arrange to have a strong fish smell lingering on your breath so much the better.
2. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trousers select a fabric which contrasts well with your fur. E.g. white fur goes well with black woollen clothing.
3. For the guest who claims "I love Cats", be ready to apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.
4. When walking amongst the dishes on the dining table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded.
5  Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything just sit and stare.

Work.

If one of your humans is sewing or writing, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one, this is called "Helping", otherwise known as hampering. The following are rules for Helping.

1. When supervising cooking, sit behind the heel of the cook. You cannot be seen, and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped, on picked up and consoled. Try to look particularly hurt, this usually gets a gourmet morsel.

Note: Begin training people early. You will then have a smoothly running household. Humans need to know the rules. They can be taught if you start them early.